Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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