So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
