Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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