how can u be prego again
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
