Whod you bang
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
