You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
