i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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