i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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