Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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