i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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