how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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