Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
