How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
