I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
