I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My underwear smells like fireworks.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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