Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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