are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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