you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
