I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
