Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
