I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
