So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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