Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am one with the molecules
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
