Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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