someone get that fucking seahorse.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
