so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
