i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my liver is dry heaving
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
