this boner is exhausting
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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