i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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