Sry I called you an 8
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
