i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
