i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
