they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
