Pappa wants mamma naked
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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