Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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