Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
