If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
