please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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