he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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