The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
