Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
