dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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