Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I licked your asshole in confidence.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
