Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
