do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
