I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
not ubering you a puppy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
