does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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