I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
