Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So here I am, sexting at work.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
