So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
