Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
