Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
