I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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