GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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