I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
