We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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