everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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