Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
