He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
