you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
