Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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