Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
