Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Randomize
