my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
