Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
