I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize