take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
