we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize