I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
