Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
