I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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