What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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