NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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