i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
