The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
