just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
