Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
