Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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