i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
