Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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