One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
