I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
