you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
