Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
