apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
