think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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