can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
