you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize