Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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