I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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