Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
