It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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