My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
