the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
