i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
