That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
please come you make the beer taste better
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
