all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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