Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
